Sea of Madness

Legitimate Business Enterprises, LLP #1

Bandits? Pfff...

I met the men of Legitimate Business Enterprises, LLP in a tavern in Lurd one hot summer’s night. After a few rounds of drinks, they delved into many tales espousing their “glory and awesomeness” (a direct quote). One particular story they told me stuck in my mind, and I still tell it to this day, as you are about to hear:

It all started, as these things often do, with a job. Witishen Muprhy, a local fence and dealer of goods of questionable origin stopped by the head quarters of Legitimate Business Enterprises one evening. He explained to the company that he had a job opportunity for them that entailed guarding some trade goods while traveling far north to Ashenport. Upon arrival they were to persuade some yokels that they wanted his trade goods more than any others and then return to Lurd with ancient coins of a forgotten empire, salvaged from the depths of the ocean.
Sounds easy, no? Witishen warned that bandits were plentiful on the road to Ashenport, at which the company scoffed.

“Bandits? Pfff.” exclaimed Valens, a half-elf who was notably tight-lipped about his years spent in the realms prior to meeting up with Legitimate Business Enterprises.

“Just as long as you understand,” said Bonaventure (who at the time looked like a dead necromancer. He was a changeling and well, that’s another story…) “that if you screw us over, we will murder you.”

Taking his cue, Tusk the half-orc, smashed a hanging lantern with his bare fist (which from what I hear is something he did often enough to necessitate a box of lanterns be kept in the head quarters).
Jin, the other changeling in the company, negotiated terms and the deal was done. A courier arrived the next morning with a document from Witishen describing the coins and some of their history, along with a donkey team pulling a wagon loaded with crates of raw materials.
For more than a week Legitimate Business Enterprises traveled the King’s Road north peacefully. Rick, a stereotypical elf who was handy in the woods, would tell stories about being back home and how much he loved his parents while Valens would silently weep to himself at the mention of family.
Of course, things can’t go smooth forever. A day after they left the King’s Road Rick noted a tang of salt in the air and deduced that a storm was sure to follow before a day or so passed. The company decided to press on through part of the night, to ensure their arrival in Ashenport as unmoist as possible. Suddenly, out from the trees leapt a horde of bandits. Men so skilled and at home in the woods it was a wonder to see that they weren’t all elves!
The bandits got the drop on Legitimate Business Enterprises, LLP, and despite some intense fighting on their part made off with the raw goods.
No lives were lost, thanks to some skill and lots of luck. The company regrouped and tracked the bandits to their temporary hide-out in the woods. Avandra herself must have been present then, because Tusk found their only sentry asleep at his post and quickly smashed his head in with a thunderous assault. The rest of the bandits in the camp, knowing that a storm was close at hand, assumed that Tusk’s murderous attack was nothing but a precursor for the inclement weather to follow. They found that a storm was coming for them, but it was one of death and pain rather than thunder and lightning.
Turning the tables on the bandits, Legitimate Business Enterprises made quick work of them. I’m sure this was embellished but I share it nonetheless: at one point during the melee, Tusk leapt into a group of attackers and, moving like no man could, smashed one in the throat with his fist, swept ones legs out from under him and axe kicked him while snapping the neck of a third. Then from thin air he produced a throwing star and lodged it into the throat of yet a fourth man, several steps away.
Needless to say, Legitimate Business Enterprises reclaimed Witishen’s goods, and a good deal more loot extra. After questioning the one surviving member of the bandit camp, they let him flee with his life, as the bandits had done for them just hours before, and made camp for what remained of the night… Legitimate Business Enterprises

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